When things fall apart

If there's one thing I should learn in life it is to treat myself very well, and do not let other people demean my character, and most importantly undervalued my worth. I deserve more than that. We all do.

I can't believe how stupid I am, I went to Valencia hoping I could fix things with my ex boyfriend, only to open my eyes wide to the reality.

1st. He abandoned my company and chased other girl right in front of me.
2nd. The next day, in a romantic beach in Peniscola, he told me he never loved in those 18 months we were together.
3rd. He wants to be with me, but doesn't want to commit because he is not confident he wouldn't cheat on me. He also wants to be travel buddy with benefits - when we are together, we're ok, and when we're apart, we're nothing.
4th. He treat this girl he met through tinder. He never treat me like that. Why that stranger is more important than I?

These four reasons are enough to blow my head. I cannot stand my stupidity. Yet, he keeps on planning trip together, and saying he wants to be with me, but when I am not around- who knows he is fucking other girls? I don't trust him. I hate him.

How could he did these all to me? And I let it all happen. I'm a good girl, I never hurt anyone. I'm loyal and faithful.

I have no idea anymore. I cannot believe I reached this age, and I'm not growing up. I'm so stuck.

This is the story of my fuck up life.

I do well in Academic, Job, Travelling, I have everything, except on this aspect of life. I'm so stupid.. and there's no end for my stupidity because I am so weak.

I wish I have someone here with me, to always remind me - Don't worry, Georgie, you'll be alright. Youll get over it.

I wish. Really wish.