What Kind of Lover Are You?

Dearest Diary,

I have a question,

Will you  love a person knowing he has an illness that could take away his life any moment?

What if you are in love with someone so badly, and then, you found out that he has an illness that could take his life anytime? Will you rather stay beside him? or leave him alone?

If you asked me these, I will never consider loving someone who is about to die, i cannot imagine not spending forever with the person I love.
However, If I am already in love with that person, and then, I just found out he is actually dying, i'll stay with him till his last breath. I'd rather be hurt and be alone, than not being with him to share the pain.

There are 2 types of love
1st will be falling in love-unconsciously
2nd choosing to love

I don't know if I am the first type of lover or the 2nd one. I had loved. It's  just happened. I don't know how.

I was just being so dramatic tonight. Perhaps, that's the result of watching Lavender.

My dearest friend, can you enlighten me? I am so confused. I only thought of going abroad to study so that I can travel anytime. But now that my classes has started, my stress increases! What's the point of taking Msc degree that is not related to my job? I do not intend to become a teacher neither.
Shall I quit while it's still early? or shall I just go with the flow? my admission letter from Vienna is about to lapse, I really wanted to study German, and then, be part of United Nations.

My dream is to work on a small garden, and grows flowers. I wanted to be needed... I wanted a simple life. How can I get that? Life is so funny, other people wanted more, but they couldnt get it. I wanted lesser, simpler, but neither I couldn't get it.

I think there is really something wrong with me. When I was in the bus earlier, I suddenly feel very lonely. I was so conscious, I was so shy, I feel so inferior with the people around me. I feel I didn't belong in this place. I feel bad.

Where did I go wrong? What did I do? Have I made the wrong decision? I wish someone can answer me. I just really need someone to guide me, but unfortunately, I don't have one.

Yours Truly,
A Broken Hearted Georgie
1.10.2014